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5 people not to be at a wine tasting!

Mr “I could murder a beer”

• Mr Beer doesn’t really like wine. He’s not sure why he’s at the wine tasting. Maybe his boss sent him at short notice to help improve the wine list. Or maybe his friends have dragged him out for a sophisticated afternoon. Either way, we’re not really sure why he’s at a wine tasting either. But telling the person pouring wine that you don’t like wine leads to one response only: Challenge Accepted. We will do our level best to change your mind and bring you over to the bright side.

Ms “Lipstick Queen”

• Ms Lipstick is very pretty. And she has a beautiful smile. But she’s leaving a trail of wax on her tasting glasses that we will never get off. We are also left wondering if she’s tasting a floral note in the wine, or extract of beeswax from her lipsalve. By all means dress up for your wine tasting, but try to go for a non-waxy lipstick, and blot.

Mr “Pleasant”

• Mr Pleasant knows what he likes. He’s read the wine list and he’s figured out the most expensive wine we are pouring. He’s skipped the entry level wines and demanded to be served “the big one”. He’s described it as “pleasant”. In wine circles, that’s the equivalent of “a nice personality”. When you’re drinking our most expensive wine, the cult classic, the one we love, the last thing we want to hear is “pleasant”. Hate it if you must. Don’t worry. We don’t expect you to buy a bottle.

Miss “Have you got Prosecco”

• Miss Prosecco knows what she likes. She also thinks she knows what she doesn’t like. She thinks she doesn’t like Chardonnay. She thinks she doesn’t like red wine. But she loves a bubble. Except, she doesn’t really. What she really likes is lemonade. Sweet Prosecco makes her day. Related to Mr Beer, we’re not sure why she’s come. She only wants to taste wines she already knows and loves. Seriously. That’s not the point of a wine tasting. Open your mind and let some of the bubbles out.

Mr “Self-Service and hope no-one is looking”

• Mr Self Service usually starts out alright. He’ll try a few of the wines. He’ll make some witty remarks. He’ll even make a decent attempt at a tasting note, or ask for more information at the winery. But as soon as our backs are turned, or we are busy serving someone else, he’s there like a shot… “I’d just like to try this one again to be sure it’s my favourite,” as he fills his glass to the brim. “I brought my friend to try this one, is it okay if I just…” he’ll say, pouring them both the best part of what’s left in the bottle. That cheeky charm, the flattery, you think you’re as beguiling as the wine, but really, you’re just a freeloader.

And finally, Heather’s top tips for getting the best from any wine tasting:

Wine tasting is fun. It’s all about trying as many wines as you can and maybe learning something new. You could discover a new varietal, or what difference a vintage makes. Perhaps you’ll find out about a wine region, or whether or not oak is for you. Have an open mind, ask as many questions as possible, and use the spittoon. That way you can taste many more wines and hopefully find the wine of your dreams. Hint: It won’t be Prosecco.

Heather from is a new guest blogger of The Grapevine Social so expect to see more of Heather’s witty and informative blogs in the coming months.

Heather hosts public, on-trade and private wine tastings on a freelance basis. She’d love it if you’d read about her latest wine recommendations, or hire her for your wine event.

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